When reflecting on the beginning of a eulogy, what imagery do you envision? Do you imagine it opening with the familiar cadence of,
Julie was born on the 1st of January 1980 and went to school in Oxofrd? or She jumped out of a plane just to see if she could, then climbed Mount Everest just because it was there.” That was Julie—adventurous to the core, even in her final days.
The first statement is of steadiness and reliability. It defines Julie until the end. Or perhaps you lean towards the alternative, where the eulogy starts with excitement and daring.
Which Eulogy would you like to read?
Both introductions serve the same purpose flawlessly: they introduce you to Julie and set the stage for recounting the narrative of her life. Yet, the latter introduction exudes a touch of more excitement. It hints at the thrilling tales that are about to unfold, inviting listeners to embark on a journey through Julie’s experiences. Through these stories, we truly understand someone, their passions, love, and essence.
Stories hold immense power; they serve as windows into the soul, illuminating the intricacies of a person’s character. Think back to your childhood—do you recall the enchanting fairy tales that once captivated your imagination? Little Red Riding Hood, Peter Rabbit, and countless others. These fairy tales are etched into our memory. They shape how we perceive the world. Similarly, when crafting a eulogy, we aim to leave a lasting impression and paint a vivid portrait of the departed that lingers in the hearts and minds of those who hear it.
Why have a Eulogy?
We want the reflections shared during this service to be more than merely recounting events. Our deepest desire is for you to depart with a profound understanding of Julie—the facets of her personality that may have remained hidden, the moments of joy and laughter that defined her essence. We want you to leave with a newfound appreciation for the richness of her life. Filled with unexpected twists and turns that shaped her into the remarkable individual she was.
In piecing together the story of Julie’s life, let us highlight her triumphs and embrace her quirks and idiosyncrasies—the little nuances that made her unique. For it is in these intricacies that we find the true essence of a person: their raw humanity, vulnerability, and capacity for love.
As we delve into the stories encapsulating Julie’s journey, let us celebrate her indelible mark on the world. Whether through grand achievements or quiet acts of kindness, Julie’s presence reverberated far beyond the confines of her own life. Accomplishments are not measured solely by her legacy but by the countless lives she touched, the hearts she uplifted, and the souls she inspired.
Telling the Story of Julie – it doesn’t have to be Start | Middle | End. How about Middle | End | Start
In the narratives we share today, we honour a life lived and a spirit that will forever remain intertwined with ours. The narratives we share today honour a life lived. A spirit that will forever intertwine with ours, forever remembering Julie’s essence, laughter, and warmth. And though she may no longer walk among us, her spirit remains a guiding force. A shining beacon of light. During our darkest moments and reminding us of the beauty in every precious moment we experience.
The following Articles are about Funeral Planning.
A direct cremation is a type of cremation that does not involve a funeral service or visitation at a crematorium. A funeral home, crematorium or independent funeral director can arrange a direct cremation. The crematorium can take the body 24 hours after death as long as they have the correct paperwork.
Many people choose to have a direct cremation because it is less expensive than a traditional funeral service. It is also a good option for those who do not want a formal service or visitation.
The benefits of a direct cremation:
1. It is a simple and low-cost option for those who wish to have a no-fuss funeral service.
2. A Funeral home, crematorium or independent funeral directors can arrange a direct cremation. This makes the process easier for the deceased’s loved ones.
3. This type of service eliminates the need for formal funeral service or visitation, which can save both time and money.
4. The body of the deceased can be in the crematorium within 24 hours after passing.
5. Direct Cremation is an increasingly popular option for those who wish to keep their funeral costs low.
If you choose to have a direct cremation, the ashes will be available for collection from the crematorium within a few days. You can arrange to collect the ashes yourself or have them delivered to your home or another location you choose. You may also choose to scatter the ashes in a special place to you. When you collect the ashes, you will need to bring along some ID, such as a driver’s license or passport. You will also need to sign a release form from the crematorium.
What about a Memorial Services
A memorial service is an excellent way to remember and celebrate the life of a loved one. It can also provide closure for those who are grieving. The memorial service will then allow family and friends to gather to share memories and stories of the deceased. A memorial service can be held at a more convenient date and at a location of your choice.
When a Direct Cremation has taken place, a memorial service could occur at your home, a beach, wood or forest, a church, or any other location. Typically, services are held by a clergy member or funeral director or a funeral celebrant like Julie Farmer.
How much does Direct Cremation cost?
The average funeral in the United Kingdom costs between £4,5000 plus. The cost varies depending on the funeral home or cremation provider you use, as well as the location of the crematorium. In general, it is less expensive than a traditional funeral service. A Direct cremation typically costs around £850, depending on the crematorium.
In conclusion
A direct cremation is a simple, low-cost alternative to traditional funeral services. The service is arranged through a funeral home or cremation provider, and many people choose this option because it is less expensive than a traditional funeral. This type of service allows the body to be cremated within 24 hours of death.
The death of a parent is one of life’s most significant and challenging experiences, no matter how old you are. It can create an overwhelming sense of emptiness and loss that is difficult to describe. Unlike other losses, the death of a parent is deeply personal. They are the ones who brought you into this world, nurtured you, and helped shape the person you have become. The void they leave behind is profound and unique, touching every aspect of your life.
Understanding the Depth of Your Grief
Grieving the death of a parent can feel like an emotional rollercoaster. The pain of losing someone who has been a constant presence in your life is deep and multifaceted. Depending on the circumstances of their passing, you may experience a range of emotions, from sadness and anger to confusion and even relief. It’s important to recognise that all these emotions are valid. Grief is a complex process, and a mixture of conflicting feelings is normal.
Allowing Yourself the Space to Grieve
In the wake of such a profound loss, it is crucial to give yourself the time and space to mourn. Grief is not something you can rush through or suppress; it demands patience and self-compassion. This mourning period is an essential part of your healing process, and it’s crucial to approach it with an open heart and mind.
You might find it helpful to create a routine that includes time for reflection and remembrance. This could be as simple as setting aside a few moments each day to think about your parent, write in a journal, or visit a place with special memories. Rituals like lighting a candle or praying can also provide comfort and a sense of connection to your parent.
During this time, it’s also important to lean on your support system, whether it’s family, friends, or work colleagues. Don’t be afraid to express your feelings and share your memories with others. Talking about your parent and the impact they had on your life can be incredibly therapeutic. It allows you to keep their memory alive and helps you process your grief.
Remember to take care of your physical health as well. Grief can take a toll on your body, so eating well, getting enough sleep, and engaging in regular physical activity is advisable. Taking care of your body will help you cope better emotionally.
The Importance of Patience and Self-Compassion
As you navigate the grief process, practise patience and self-compassion. The death of a parent is a life-altering event, and it’s normal to feel a sense of disorientation as you adjust to their absence. You may find yourself struggling with feelings of guilt, regret, or anger. These emotions are a natural part of grieving, but it’s important not to dwell on them or judge yourself harshly for feeling them.
One of the most important things you can do during this time is to be kind to yourself. Allow yourself to grieve at your own pace without imposing any expectations on how you should feel or how long your grief should last. Understand that healing is a gradual process, and it’s okay to have setbacks along the way.
If you find yourself struggling with intense emotions, consider seeking professional help. A therapist or counsellor specialising in grief can provide valuable support and guidance as you work through your feelings. They can also help you develop coping strategies to manage your grief.
Managing Others’ Reactions to Your Grief
One unexpected challenge of grieving is dealing with others’ reactions. While some people may offer comfort and support, others might not understand the depth of your pain, or they may say or do things that unintentionally hurt you. It’s important to remember that everyone processes grief differently, and not everyone will know how to support you in the way you need.
If someone says something that bothers you, try to communicate your feelings calmly and respectfully. Let them know how you’re feeling and what you need from them. For example, you might say, “I appreciate your concern, but I’m not ready to talk about it right now,” or “It would mean a lot to me if you could just listen without offering advice.”
At the same time, don’t be afraid to set boundaries with people who are unsupportive or drain your energy. It’s okay to distance yourself from those who don’t respect your need to grieve in your own way.
Grief can be an isolating experience, but you don’t have to go through it alone. Surround yourself with people who care about you and will support you through this difficult time. Whether it’s a close friend, a family member, or a support group, finding a community that understands your pain can make a big difference in your healing process.
Finding Strength When You Feel You Can’t Go On
There will be moments during your grief when the weight of your loss feels unbearable. The pain may feel overwhelming, and you might wonder how to move forward. During these times, it’s important to remind yourself that grief is a process that ebbs and flows over time.
When you feel like you can’t go on, try to take things one day at a time. Focus on small, manageable tasks, and don’t hesitate to ask for help when needed. Reach out to your support system, whether it’s a friend, family member, or counsellor. Sometimes, just talking about how you’re feeling can help lighten the burden of your grief.
Engaging in activities that bring you comfort and peace is also essential. Whether it’s spending time in nature, practising mindfulness or meditation, or engaging in creative pursuits like writing or art, finding ways to express your emotions can help you process your grief and begin to heal.
Honouring Your Parent’s Memory
As you work through your grief, finding ways to honour your parent’s memory can be a meaningful part of the healing process. Keeping their memory alive helps you stay connected to them and provides a sense of purpose and direction as you move forward.
One way to honour your parent’s memory is by sharing stories about them with others. Please talk about your favourite memories, the lessons they taught you, and the qualities that made them unique. You can also create a photo album or scrapbook filled with pictures and mementoes that capture the essence of who they were.
Another way to honour their memory is to act kindly in their name. Volunteer for a cause they care about, donate to a charity in their honour or do something nice for someone else in their memory. These acts of kindness can help you feel closer to your parents and keep their spirit alive in the world.
You might also consider creating a memorial or tribute in their honour. This could be as simple as planting a tree in their memory or dedicating a bench in a park they loved. These tangible reminders can provide comfort and a place to visit when you want to feel close to them.
Finally, remember that living your life in a way that makes your parents proud is one of the greatest honours you can give them. Continue to pursue your dreams, uphold the values they instilled in you, and cherish the relationships that matter most to you. You are carrying their legacy forward by living a life that reflects the love and lessons they shared with you.
Preparing Yourself for Life Without Your Parent
As you navigate life after the death of a parent, it’s essential to prepare yourself for the changes that lie ahead. Grief is a journey, and while the pain may lessen over time, the loss will always be a part of you. However, with time and self-compassion, you will find ways to adjust to life without your parent and create a new sense of normalcy.
One of the most challenging aspects of losing a parent is facing the milestones and special occasions that were once shared with them. Birthdays, holidays, and anniversaries can be tricky. It’s important to acknowledge these moments and find ways to honour your parent, whether lighting a candle, praying, or spending time with loved ones who also miss them; creating new traditions can help you feel connected to your parent’s memory.
You may also find it helpful to seek support from others who have experienced a similar loss. In-person and online grief support groups can provide a sense of community and understanding. Talking to others who have gone through the death of a parent can offer comfort and insight as you navigate your grief journey.
Moving Forward with Love and Memory
The death of a parent is a life-changing event, one that leaves an indelible mark on your heart and soul. While the pain of their loss may never entirely go away, it will become more manageable with time. As you move forward, take comfort in knowing that your parent’s love and memory will always be a part of you.
By allowing yourself to grieve, seeking support, and finding meaningful ways to honour your parent’s memory, you are taking the steps needed to heal and move forward. Remember, grief is not about forgetting; it’s about finding a new way to carry your parent’s memory with you as you continue your life’s journey.
Ultimately, the love and connection you shared with your parent will never be lost. It will live on in your heart, guiding and strengthening you as you navigate the path.
If you found Prepare Yourself for Attending a Funeral for Your Mother or Father, you may like these other articles you may find interesting.
This is the story of Sally and how, after the death of her mum, her life changed forever. For Sally, going through her mum’s wardrobe after her death was the most challenging task. Sally also started a new business because of her personal experiences and stress.
LOSING MUM CHANGE MY LIFE AND CAREER
My name is Sally, and almost exactly 21 years ago, I lost my mum in a horrific road traffic accident. I had spoken to her on the phone that morning. We had arranged to go shopping a few days later. That night I was woken up by my dog barking. I realised that someone was knocking on the front door at 2.30 in the morning.
As soon as I opened the door and saw my brother & his partner standing there, I knew. My life changed forever from that moment.
Mum and dad had divorced. I am the oldest child I was next of kin. My mum didn’t have a will. My brother was happy to leave all the arrangements and sorting out to me.
I arranged the funeral, told people, sorted out the financials, probate, sold the house, everything. It was so difficult, and I felt like I was snooping, and she would walk in at any moment and wonder why I was going through all her things.
When the house sold, the last thing I had to go through was mum’s wardrobe after her death, all her clothes and knick-knacks from over the years. I think this was the hardest out of everything because it was so personal and was the essence of her. I had no help with this and found that this process was like losing her all over againorting out Mum’s wardrobe after her death directed my new business.
Sorting out Mum’s Wardrobe After Her Death guided my business
My business, Recycle for their Future, buys people’s unwanted clothes, shoes and accessories. I pay up to £1 per kilo for perfect condition items.
Did you know that over 206 tonnes of clothing is disposed of each year in the UK, and only 10% of that is reused? I am 100% committed to helping the planet and doing my bit to recycle as many clothes as I can and stop them from ending up in a landfill. I offer a range of services, and one of those is a bereavement service, which helps the planet and helps you by putting a bit of extra money back in your pocket.
Having been through the process myself, I know how hard it can be to dispose of a loved one’s items.
Tailored entirely to your needs:
I can come along and sort out all the clothes myself. I will pay you for the items I want, and if you would like me to, I can recycle the things I don’t want to buy.
Or I can come along and sort out items with you, so you do not have to do it alone again. I will buy the things I want and can recycle the items I don’t want.
Or you can sort out the items you want to sell, and I can come and collect them.
Contact Sally
I am happy to do as much or as little as you want, and I do not charge for this. I will pay you up to £1 per kilo for the items I want to buy.
If you would like more information or to chat through the options, don’t hesitate to get in touch with me either by text, WhatsApp or by telephone on 07723 652044. Alternatively, if you prefer, you can contact me by email or check out her website.
In conclusion to Mum’s wardrobe after her death
In conclusion,
After her mother died, Sally realised that it’s not just her who would find going through a parent’s personal items stressful. Legal requirements can be highly complicated, but there is a logical, formal aspect to sorting out these issues.
Sally was overwhelmed with grief after the passing of her mother. She did not know how to sort out her clothes and keepsakes and found the process very lonely. But because she knew other people were experiencing similar challenges during these trying times in life she set up her business to help others by providing a clothing solution.
It’s a tricky question, selecting music for a funeral. There are three distinct pieces of music during the funeral service. Each piece represents a specific aspect of the service and has its job to do. The three pieces of music are:
Entry
Reflection
Exit
What is music?
Music plays a vital role in our lives. It affects us on a primaeval level. It starts with sound waves moving through our bodies, resonating and vibrating around our organs. Music can soothe and calm us when we are stressed. If you think of a baby going to sleep, a parent will often put music on to help the baby fall asleep. If you are angry or cross, loud or even heavy music can be played, turning the volume up so loud you can’t hear yourself think. As the music plays, the person becomes less stressed or angry.
Alternatively, if someone (possibly a speaker) wants to put energy in a room, they use upbeat, loud music. TV, films and advertisers use music to get us to feel an emotion, a connection with the visual image displayed. Indeed, if you watch an André Rieu concert, you can see members of the audience conducting the orchestra from their seats, other audience members crying, and then some just swaying to the sounds they hear. Music has a powerful effect on us.
Music and Sports?
In yoga, any session starts with the chant of Om, which is at a frequency of 432 hz, the same vibration found in nature and believed to be the frequency of the universe. The rhythmic chant prepares the body, mind, and nervous system for exercise and meditation. Other forms of exercise are performed with loud techno music. Getting participants to run, jump stretch in tune with the beat. Alternatively, have you ever had a song in your head that you can’t get stop thinking about and hum or sing it? If I mentioned the song “Can’t Get You Out of My Head” by Kylie Minogue, or YMCA by the Village People, who started to sing? You can’t help but sing along to the tune; this is called an earworm.
Music and Religion
Music is a significant influence on our lives. Religion uses music to ensure the congregation pays attention to the service; it keeps the congregation interested and breaks the pace of sermons and lectures. The bible has over 400 references to music. Buddhists, Hindu, Islamic and Shamanic use music to call the congregation to worship.
Once we add words to a piece of music, the entire piece takes on a new life, a new meaning, and becomes more important in our lives.
Music for a Funeral
The Entry Music
Therefore, music for a funeral is important. The music sets the scene and the tempo of the funeral service. The first piece of music is your ‘Call to Action’, your entry music. It can be a solemn piece of music that the deceased enjoyed. For example, Amazing Grace. Once this piece of music starts, it is the cue to get mourners into the chapel to tell them that the service is about to begin.
The Reflection Music
Reflection music is a piece of music that starts the process of quiet reflection. It is the time at a funeral when you, as an individual mourner, have an opportunity to think about the deceased, your time with them, and what they meant to you. The Reflection music is often more poignant, and words have a deeper meaning to the deceased and immediate family, for example, Monsters by James Blunt.
The Exit Music
Exit music marks the end of the service and is a more upbeat piece of music that reflects the deceased’s personality. It can be the theme song or tune from their favourite football team or the title music to a film or TV show they loved. It can be a song shared with a partner. This music tells the congregation that the service is over and that it is time to move from the chapel and continue to mourn with the family, spend time, and talk about the deceased. For example – I did it my way by Frank Sinatra, or If I could turn back time by Cher or Revelles Bolero, or Queen Bohemian Rhapsody.
Often the family would like the mourners to sing a song during the service. From my experience, this has always been a favourite hymn, but it doesn’t have to be. The crematorium will play an audio version of the song by a choir during the service, for example, “All Things Bright and Beautiful,” and the congregation can sing along. The words should be in your Order of Service.
Selecting the Music for a Funeral
It is challenging to know which music to select during a service. So try not to put too much pressure on yourself. I had one service where the exit music requested was Led Zeppelin, and another the theme tune to Heartbeat. Think about the deceased and their taste in music and the atmosphere you would like to create on leaving the chapel.
In short, an Order of Service (OOS) is a document that will tell the mourners at a funeral what is going to happen within the next 30 minutes (be aware that some funerals are 20 minutes).
Who would you create one and why do you need to create an Order of Service.
You will be given an Order of Service when you attend a funeral. You can create your own Order of Service or have your funeral director or a printer create one for you. There are several items that need to be included in your order of service. This article will help you with the process and make it easier for you when creating your own Order of Service. It is important to note that you can run and organize a funeral yourself.
However, we would advise that you ask a celebrant to help you. The celebrant can either run the service for you or guide you through the process. There will be a fee for their services (the fee is often covered in the costs from the Funeral Director or your funeral plan), but it will make the funeral much easier for you if you decide to run the service yourself.
An Order of Service is an integral part of the funeral process. It lets the mourner, you, and the crematorium staff know what to do during the service. An OOS, details what is expected from the congregation. An Order of Service will be handed to mourners at the chapel entrance or are placed on the chapel seats.
Why have an Order of Service?
Many people are unfamiliar with the process and procedure of a funeral. For some, it is a strange and scary setting, especially if you are attending because of the loss of a loved one. After all, it is not an everyday event. As a guest, you don’t want to do anything wrong; you want to show support and respect. This is where the Order of Service comes in. It is a step-by-step guide to what is going to happen during the funeral service. You could look at an Order of Service as a meeting agenda or a recipe.
How to write an Order of Serivce
Most orders of services are A5 (an A4 piece of paper folded in half).
Page One
On the front of an Order of Service will be the name of the deceased; for example
After the name will be the deceased date of birth and date of death
After the name will be the deceased date of birth and Then there will be a photograph of the deceased that typically represents their personality.
Next, you will have the location of the service. This could be a church or a crematorium and the date and time of the service.
Order of Service
In Loving Memory of Samuel Anderson
27 August 1978 – 1 January 2021
Poole Crematorium 18 January 2021 at 11.30 am
Page Two
The next page will list the events taking place during the service. There will be the song name and artist. This will take 2 minutes.
There will be a welcome message and the name of the celebrant or person leading the service, followed by the opening words. This will take 2 minutes
Then we have the eulogy. The eulogy will be read by the celebrant or the next of kin. The celebrant will have written the eulogy in conjunction with the next of kin. In some circumstances, the next of kin may have written the entire eulogy, or the deceased may have written their own eulogy. This will be decided before the service. There may also be family or friends who wish to speak during the eulogy, and they will be added to the order of service. The eulogy will take only 15 minutes.
After the eulogy, you will then have some reflection time or praying time accompanied by some music. This will last for 4 minutes.
Order of Service
Entry Music Bat Out of Hell by Meatloaf
Welcome
Julie Farmer, Forget Me Not Celebrant, an Independent Funeral Celebrant Opening Words and Introductions
Eulogy Reflections of my brother by Ian Anderson
Reflection Music Monsters by James Blunt
Page Three
A member of the deceased family or friends or the celebrant may read a poem or ask the congregation to say the Lord’s Prayer. If the Lord’s Prayer is being said, the printed prayer will be included so everyone can say the prayer together. Saying the Lord’s Prayer is optional. You do not have to have any religious aspect to a funeral service.
It is now time for the committal to take place. Everyone will face the coffin and say their quiet goodbyes. The immediate family may lay a rose or flowers on the coffin. Children may put a picture they have drawn for the deceased or written letters. The committal will last about 3 minutes. The coffin will remain in situ, but the curtains may be drawn around the coffin. This is a decision the next of kin will make. It is common for the curtains not to be drawn as most mourners wish to touch the coffin on their exit to say a private goodbye to the deceased. It may sound morbid, but it gives a lot of comfort to the mourners, and people touch the coffin without realizing they are doing it. This is the last goodbye to the person they loved and spent time with.
There will then be the closing words, where the celebrant will thank everyone for coming to the service, thank the funeral directors and crematorium staff. This will take 4 minutes.
Finally, there will be some exit music.
Order of Service
Poem – Remember Me By David Harkins Read by Emma Anderson
Committal
Closing Words
Exit Music If I could turn back time by Cher
Page Four
On the last page of the Order of Service, you can add additional photographs, a song or a poem the deceased has written.
There will also be directions to the celebration tea or wake/party wake/party after the service. Some people will choose to add a charity for donations in the deceased’s name instead of bringing flowers.
Order of Service
Sam with his son Luke, two weeks after his birth. Then Sam, Elizabeth and Alice. Luke and Mary playing on the beach
A funeral generally lasts 30 minutes. This includes entering the chapel and leaving. Timings are as follows:
Entering the Chapel – 2 minutes
Introductions – 2 minutes
Eulogy – 15 minutes
Reflection – 4 minutes
Committal – 3 minutes
Exit – 4 minutes
Please be aware there are some crematoriums that only offer services for 20 minutes. If this is the case, the above times will have to be adjusted.
To download a pdf copy of Sam’s Order of Service select download below.
To get a free template to create your own Order of Service click here
